Daddy Never Bought the Bicycle Ephesians 5:22-6:4

“Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4, NASB).

Robin Roberts is the anchor of ABC’s Good Morning America. In a recent broadcast Robin interviews seven Black women. They are the mothers of victims shot and killed by police. They discuss what these mothers are doing in the after mat of the death of their children. In my opinion these mothers are doing some great things trying to cope with their own grief and making efforts to bring about a more just society in America. As I sit and watch these mothers with admiration, a little voice inside of me keeps asking this question: “Where are the fathers?”

This is not the first time that this question has come into my mind. You see, there is a long list of African American men and women in America that have been killed by police. The recent death of George Floyd by police in Minneapolis has brought an increased concern about killing of Black men in our country. Protests are taking place that are addressing police brutality, racial discrimination, systemic racism, racial oppression, and the need for criminal justice reform. While I agree that these issues need to be addressed, that little voice inside me keeps asking the same question over and over again: “Where are the dads?” Before I continue, I need to say something about the providence of God and its relationship to the things that I have been hearing about on television; what I have been reading about on Facebook and in books.

The Providence of God is a theological concept. In a few words we can say that God provides for His own purpose. At the same time we human beings are likely to have a different purpose for the events that are taking place. The classic case of God’s providence is seen in Genesis 50. Joseph is sold by his jealous brothers as a slave into Egypt. Joseph is made a powerful ruler in Egypt. His brothers leave their homes in Canaan and go to Egypt to buy food for their families. Joseph reveals himself to his brothers, and he sends for his father to come to Egypt with his entire family. Joseph’s father, Jacob dies and he is buried. After the death of Jacob, the brothers become concerned that Joseph may now seek to get revenge. However, Joseph is not thinking that way. When Joseph learns of his brothers’ concerns he says to them: “‘Do not be afraid, for am I in God’s place? As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive’” (Gen. 50:19-20, NASB). The brothers have their reason for selling their brother and at the same time God is using the actions of the brothers to bring about His own purpose. That is God’s providence. What is the point?

Since I saw the interview that Robin Roberts had with the seven mothers, I am confronted frequently by programs and written materials that are promoting the value, and even the necessity of fathers. Now, I will admit that I am biased because I was reared in a family of fourteen children and both a mother and a father. The television programs, videos, and books cause me to search myself. Have I been a good father? What does my daughter really think of me? What about my relationship to my own father? How did my relationship to my father shape me into being the man and the father that I am? What would my life be like if I had been raised by a woman with fourteen children without a father? Are fathers really necessary? This question is debated in our society, but my own understanding of the scriptures tell me that a child without both mother and father is not what God designed and intended for the human family. The older I get and the more I think about my relationship to my father only increase my convictions. Where are the fathers? My childhood experience convinces me that a child needs both mother and father. Both my mother and my father are present in my childhood. Their roles are different, but together they mold me into the person that I am.

During my early childhood my mom is the greater influence. She set the pattern by nurturing me with love, guidance, directions and teaching. My mom emphasized that the Bible tells me about God; His purpose for me, His love for me, and His protection. Now, mom is a Bible scholar of sorts; she knows what the bible says. However, as an adult I find myself rehearsing the time I spent with my dad more often. You see, I have discovered that mom taught me theory. Dad provided me with experience. My mom taught me concepts; it was dad that demonstrated the truth of these concepts by how he lived in front of me. For example mom taught me that the Bible tells me not to seek revenge. I see my dad being done wrong. Dad does not harbor anger. He does not express words of hate and ill will toward others. Instead, I see my dad struggle with his anger trying to bring about reconciliation with the ones that he has disagreements with. Mom told me and dad showed me.

As a child I have the privilege of having a dad that plays baseball with his children. I have a dad that takes me fishing. When I am a teenager I have the privilege on working beside my dad on the farm. Dad demonstrates his trust in me. He believes that I am capable of doing the job. Dad values my opinion and we discuss the difference in our point of view on how best to do the work. We do not always agree and there are times when we are angry with each other. During these times I do not feel good about my dad. I do not like my dad. Dad, however, does not hold a grudge. He knows who he is and he knows his responsibility as a father. Ultimately, dad only wants me to do what is right.

The title of this article is “Daddy Never Bought the Bicycle.” Let me explain the reason for this title and how it relates to the things that I am saying in this article. When I am about twelve years old, give or take a year or two, I ask my dad if I can get a bicycle for Christmas. My dad tells me that he does not have the money, but maybe I can get one next year. There has been several “next year” since that day. I can still remember the incident. To this day I can say Daddy Never Bought the Bicycle. As I am aging I am becoming increasingly aware of God’s purpose for me remembering this incident. You see the incident that I remember remains the same, but my interpretation of it continues to evolve. Let me explain.

When dad says maybe next year, I hope with great anticipation that I will get a bike next year. The next year comes and still I have no bicycle. I continue to wish for a bicycle. The next year never comes. As I grow older, a bicycle becomes less important to me because I am involved in activities more important to me. I understand better the financial circumstances. I am learning that dad has responsibilities for all the family; so, dad may not ever get me a bicycle. I begin to wonder if dad remembers the conversation.

I learn to be patient. I learn that I will not always get what I want. At the time of our conversation I only hear the words that my dad says to me. Now, I see his face. I see the disappointment that he has because he cannot afford a bicycle. You see, I am not angry that dad could not afford a bicycle. Why does this experience continue to be remembered? Is God using this incident to teach me something about being a dad?

In the African American community the role of a dad is being diminished. Dads are not seen as necessary. Mom can do it all, at least that is what we have come to believe. Dads are needed for financial purposes only. Dads are not necessary because mom can make her own money. The government provides some financial aid for single mothers. The African American athletes and celebrities are encouraged to be role models for African American boys. They are encouraged to give their money so that Black children can have some of the things that they need. However, this approach does not prevent African American boys from growing up with criminal behaviors and records. A lot of people truly believe that providing things that money can buy will solve the problems. We need only to get rid of the racism and other social injustices. These efforts are to be applauded, but they will never solve the real causes that these problems exist. Is there an answer? I believe that the Bible tells us that we need fathers that honor their fathers and mothers.

Daddy never bought the bicycle. A little disappointment for a short season; but it is not the most important thing in my life and my relationship to my dad. The scripture that appears at the beginning of this article is the most needed thing in the life of a boy. A boy needs a dad that loves his mother. The word “submit” in the text has nothing to do with who the boss is. It has to do with the wife giving space for her husband to seek Christ and His will for his personal life and the well being of the family. The text is about the need for a husband and a father to be a provider and protector of his family just as Christ provides and protects His church. The text is about children obeying their parents, both mother and father. The text is about the responsibility of dads to treat their children in a manner that does not provoke anger. Daddy may not be able to buy a bicycle, but daddy can train his children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

When a daddy demonstrates the principles of God’s discipline and instructions to his children, they will learn how to face the injustices that exist in the world ruled by the evil one. We have evil systems in the world because the one who sets the agenda for the world is evil. He is a liar and a deceiver. He is a thief that comes to steal, kill and destroy. It is time that the African American community to turn back to God. The methods that are presented to us are proving to be ineffective even though they sound good and look good on the surface. There is no place is scripture for the elimination of dads. We applaud the efforts of the mothers like those that Robin Roberts interviewed, but it is the dad that God ordains to be the example that children need most. Daddy never bought the bicycle; instead, he gave me something so much more valuable than a toy. I thank you God for giving to me my daddy.