The Responsibility of Fathers

Ephesians 6:1-4 What is a father? What is a father for? Are they really needed in today’s society? Who or what institution has the authority to decide if the sperm donor for the child has any responsibilities for the child? What has this authority determined what the responsibilities of fathers are? In American tradition fathers go to work. They are the providers and protectors of their family. They leave the primary responsibilities of rearing the children up to the mothers. However, in today’s society mothers also goes to work leaving her with less time and energy to care for the children. Today, in order to adjust to these lifestyle changes many advocate that fathers are no longer confined to the traditional roles as fathers. Fathers may be the caregivers of the children at home while the wife goes to work. We live in a multiethnic and multicultural society in which there is no one set order for the family. Thus, family members are not confined to any one set of roles as members in the family. Today’s article is focused on the writings of Paul in the first century A.D. Paul writes to the church at Ephesus to clarify various issues that confront the church. He wants to bring about unity in the church. This unity is possible if they are willing to follow Christ Jesus in loving one another, submitting to one another, and using authority wisely. Our issue for this article is the responsibilities of fathers. It is important that we read Ephesians 5:21-33 as background scripture for our understanding of the focus text for this article. As is the case for much if not all of Paul’s writing, he begins with instructions to the ones considered to have less power and authority. Then he gives instructions to the one with power and authority. Paul is not establishing an order. The order has already been established by the society. Paul is writing to give Godly instructions to Christians whose lifestyles have been established by the society. He wants to help them to live not so much by rules and laws but as a people who live under God’s grace in love and unity. Thus, adjustments are needed in some areas of the family. Husbands are no longer just workers and providers. They are to participate with their wives in training and education of the children. Let us examine the text. First, husbands are to love their wives. In 5:25-33 Paul tells the husband that he has a greater responsibility to his wife than just going to work and coming home to tell his wife what to do. He is to love his wife in the same way that he loves himself. His love for her will cause him to help his wife to be the best person that she can be. He looks after her welfare. He elevates her giving rise to a greater self esteem and awareness that she is loved and appreciated. This will make her a more suitable wife and mother. He is to do all that he can to nurture the bond between the two of them. This bond will help both parents to work together in raising the children. The goal at this point is that the husband and wife create a positive and Godly environment that welcomes children. Secondly, Parents, both mothers and fathers are to expect respect and obedience from their children. Paul writes, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right” (Eph 6:1, NASB). The phrase “as unto the Lord” means that the parents have been given their position and authority by the Lord. Children are to hear the instructions of the parents as if they are being instructed by the Lord Himself. When I was in the military I would receive orders from the platoon sergeant. He spoke with the authority of the company commander who spoke with the authority given to him by those ranked above him. This means that if Christian parents are to be acquainted with the commands and instructions of Jesus in regard to their daily life. Following Jesus’ teachings will make us free from the rules of society that are often contrary to the Word of God. In verse two and three Paul repeats the words of the Law. Moses and the Israelites received the Ten Commandments at Mount Sinai (Exod. 20). The fifth commandment said: ‘“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you” (v.12, NASB). Does this mean that all children who obey their parents will live a long life? Some people question the goodness of God when they see children die for various reasons. The commandments at Sinai were given to the community and promised blessings to the community. In the same manner Paul is writing to a church that is receiving a like promise. However, we conclude that obeying God’s commandments offers us a better chance for a long life in this world, and we have the promise of eternal life in the world to come. Thirdly, fathers are to use their authority wisely in a Godly manner. Wives and children are not to be subject to fathers because they are men second only to God. Fathers are not to use their authority in an authoritarian manner. Instead they are to use their authority in an authoritative manner. In doing so, fathers are being subjects to the teachings of Jesus. Since they have the authority, they are to use it to serve those who are under his care (Mark 10:35-45). This is power used in an authoritative manner. On the other hand Jesus describes the authoritarian as one who uses his power for self gain at the expense of others. Jesus tells His disciples that their greatness will be made manifest in their using their authority to benefits others (Luke 22:24-27). Fathers are responsible for using their authority to participate in the training of their children. They are not to use their authority in such a way to annoy the children, to irritate them, or to make the children angry. It is beyond the scope of the article to address the issue of discipline of children, but let me say that discipline has many levels and basically means establishing rules for living. It is not limited to punishing the child when he or she has done something wrong. Society and the male ego make it easy to slip from being authoritative to authoritarian. What this really does is lower self-esteem, self-worth, and decreases the child’s belief that she or he has what it takes to make it in life. Fathers who are born of the Spirit of God can no longer look at their children as property, but they are gifts from God. God gives parents stewardship of the child. Thus, the father’s first responsibility is to respect the children and their rights and worth in the sight of God. Finally, fathers are to train and educate their children in the ways of the Lord. This means that we do not leave it up to the schools and other institutions to teach children about the words and ways of the Lord. In America these institutions have relieved themselves of this responsibility. This is based on the constitution that gives every citizen the right to worship God in their own way and to choose whatever religion they like. For Christians, the responsibility lies primarily with the parents, and secondly with the church. The phrase “but bring them up in the discipline and instructions of the Lord” (v.4b, NASB) is a command for fathers to instill biblical principles and values to guide the child’s moral choices and ethical decisions. The goal is that the child of God will be able to live Godly lives in a world ruled by sin. The family in America today does not necessarily have the pattern of father, mother, and children living together under the authority of the father. Divorce leads to many single parent families, and there are many other family structures that the churches must address. The principle that we are to live by the law of love is relevant regardless of structure, because love seeks to meet the needs of people instead of looking for ways to condemn people. God’s grace can overcome any human deficiency.